Dilemma. Its a Big NO-NO.

I do not know whether it was a pleasant day or a sourful day.
I cried till I slept in the midnight.

I went out with my buddies yesterday [who currently came back from KL]
He, was there too. I was glad that he called my name asking me where am I going to study?. It was indeed a very long time since he called me. He is the one who has given me many wonderful, unforgettable memories. It will not rott and would definitely stay till eternal. After some unseen events that has happened through out the school days, we went into a silent conversation. A we-who-do-not-know-each-other kind of world. But he, still remains in my heart. It has been so many times I convince and tell myself to forget all these things, let them be bygone be bygone. This is only a blind love coming to a blind ending but I was too stubborn and unwilling.
[Well, I have said so much about this not related topic huh.]

So, we chit chatting for almost two hours there. We ate, drink, laughed, joking, thinking about secondary teachers, talking gossips, serious talking about tertiary education [as if we have not touch on it for so long] etc etc. And there you go, asking me question. Although it was only a short 2 seconds question, I was glad. It seemed like shylingly getting through this moment. I was getting to know about their lifes in colleges. Every single moment, crazyness, fun, new friends, new surrounding, new experience, new life, pressure in studies and so much more. [Yet, I have never experienced it before and somehow Ihope I will getting through the same way although I know it must be a very homesick feeling to coupe with.] I wish to further my study there, ***.

I came home. Having dinner as usual. Then my mum said: brother asked you to go for stpm. He said *** is cheap.

My goodness, I dont want to take stpm. No please. I become so moody at the time. Sitting in the darkness crying. I am thinking about going *** to further my study. At the same time, someone gave me a hard hitting. He said: "From what they said, *** is low standard internationally. Saying why I keep sitting at home and not going out to get information from people." zq.
It hits me very hard. Very hard. That moment, I was like being considered as "junk" , "idiot", "foolish" all through this months. Yes, I am. I have not doing anything, not working. What?What's more? stpm? NO.. please. Like I begging no one shadow.

No
No
No
No

My pillow is wet.
I miss all of you. My buddies, may friendship stay forever. Love you all.
I hope to turn to someone.
='(